Death has been on my mind a lot recently especially since I turned 50 years old. I am not thinking of killing myself but pondering about what will it be like when the eventual event happens. What will be on my mind when I inhale the last breath? How will my love ones deal with my demise? What happens after my soul leave this mortal world? Or is there even a soul to speak of?
I always share among friends that “I was very afraid of dying when younger, but these days I am more worried how I will die”. Death is inevitable but what will be the eventual cause of my death? Will it be painful? Will I be at peace? is there something I can do now to ensure a “smoother” death? How can I be prepared for it? We have all heard stories of the fittest military pal who collapsed from a regular jog, and a family member who is sick or has died due to cancer. All are gone unexpectedly and too soon.
While we can‘t really control the timing of our death, we can try our best to keep our body and mind healthy to delay the eventual and pray for the best. With medical advances, we are living longer. Being 60 is considered young with many years ahead to live. Singapore has surprisingly just been voted into the World’s list of Blue Zone, where its people live long and vibrant lives. The average lifespan today in Singapore is 84 years old compared to global average of 73, and there are about 1500 Singaporeans who have lived past their 100th birthday. Living in old age is hardwork especially when one is in poor health. The longer our life-span is, the longer we need to manage our health-span with increasing frailty and declining resources. Living longer with good health is important, as it affect one’s quality of life and reduces stress to family members and loved ones. Some would say since it’s such hard work, one doesn’t want to live so long”. Unfortunately, one can’t decide when to pull his own life’s plug in Singapore. While it is not possible to determine one’s time to go, it is possible to have a say in how one wants to be cared for before the time comes.
I believe it is important to think about death, in order to know how one wants to live now. When younger, I was very afraid of death “Kia Si”, but at this stage of life I am worried about how I will die, given death is inevitable. In our culture, the topic of death is often taboo. Speaking of death is like cursing someone to an early death, and unfilial to bring up the topic with aging parents. One of my recent year end read, “The Book about getting older” by Dr. Lucy Pollack got me interested in the idea of making an “advance decision”. It was an easy book to read, with the author sharing patient stories about their experience with palliative care at old age. I started putting down my thoughts and imagination about how my own death will be like. Many questions pondered in my head; What will I die of, natural age or illness? Would it be painful till the last minute? how does the last breath feel like, a relief or a heavy heart? Who do I want around me at the deathbed? As I thought through the final wishes, I asked myself if I am ready to go if called upon this very moment? This then led to more questions.
Are there unfinished businesses? Deeds of affection to be actioned? Words of apologies to be said? How do I prepare myself to say “I am ready to go” when the time comes? Perhaps I can start planning for them now that I am still in a Sound state of mind. At the same time, I think the journey towards death is not an individual thing, it involves all the loved ones around me. People might need to make difficult decisions on my behalf which can be emotionally painful. Why not make known my preference, wishes and fear now? So I can play a part in the decision making process of how I want to be treated when still alive, and how I want my final days to be like? I wrote all these down and it was a difficult process to make decisions for the unpredictable future. But at the same time, the “future” could happen tomorrow. I shared my thoughts with my spouse and my thoughts with afterlife with my children. No need for rituals, ashes scattered in sea, and to save my photo in their outlook calendar with a reminder, if they choose to remember me on my death anniversary. The conversation weren’t easy but I am glad that I managed to share my initial thoughts.
In Singapore, there is advance care planning g
As I started to share my thoughts with friends, I learnt about the Advance care planning and the existing available services we can
How do I want to be cared for?, Who do I want around me at the deathbed? And importantly how can I prepare my self for the eventuality? Am I ready to go if death called upon me now?
Then I started to think that while writing a APC seems to be for my selfish death, it is also for my loved ones who may one day be put into the position to make a decisions on my care and
I started immediately to work on my “Ganttchart of Death” as a project working around objectives, resources and milestones.
write down my
There are a few ways
Advance care planning
I made a decision last weekend and told my children that I do not want my body to be buried or ashes to be placed in crematorium. I do not have the expectations for them to come visit me with offerings or flowers in the future. All I want is for them to save a nice photograph, and attach it to their calendar reminder. I will appreciate if they could take a minute to think about their old man every year.
According to (Singstat, 2023)
I believe it is important to think about death, in order to know how you want to live your life now.
I made a decision last weekend and told my children that I do not want my body to be buried or ashes to be placed in crematorium. I do not have the expectations for them to come visit me with offerings or flowers in the future. All I want is for them to save a nice photograph, and attach it to their calendar reminder. I will appreciate if they could take a minute to think about their old man every year.
I believe that it is important to think about death, in order to think about how you want to live.
Dying is not just about you.
Leave a Reply